About heraldsimaginary

The leader of the College of Heralds Imaginary, which brings levity and humor to the heraldic world. Coming to a College of Heralds near you. We are here to have fun and have awesome heraldry.

As seen in the Heralds Office waiting room

Ask your herald if Cants are right for you

Compendium posited on the Heralds Imaginary Group on Facebook (and then later crossposted to G+) the other day “Let’s pretend that an heraldic consultation table is like a doctor’s office. What would be the pamphlets and brochures available in the waiting room?”

Keep an eye out for these at heraldic consultation tables near you:

  • Have you talked with your children… about Labels?
  • 10 common misperceptions about Deep And Personal Meaning
  • That’s Not Tenne: Exploring Heraldic Addictions
  • How To Avoid Making Your Herald Cry: 10 Easy Steps
  • Life After Rayonny
  • Emergency Steps to Take if You Experience a Blazoned Pizzle for More Than Four Hours
  • Complexity Count: Eight Warning Signs
  • Ask your herald if an Individually Attested Pattern is right for you!
  • Semy? We can cure that for you!
  • Canting, A Rubric for the Rebus
  • Is it true love? How to know if this device is the one for you
  • Pean Management Techniques
  • 102 strategies for a SFPP-free device
  • Mommy, what’s a pizzle?: Heraldic education for kids
  • Sinking your Teeth into Denticulada
  • Résumé Heraldry. It doesn’t just hurt you. It hurts everyone.
  • Practice Safe Blazon!
  • Suffering from Fleury? New drugs may help you Counter-Fleury
  • A little Pale? Talk to us and we can billet!
  • Feeling a little azure? Ask your herald about ermine. See if it’s right for you!

…. and on the TV would be a continuous loop broadcast of ‘All My Persona Stories’.

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April Letter of Administrivia and Rumination

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here! Life is skittles and life is beer …

Clambering out of the hibernation of winter, it is once more, with feeling … the April Letter of Administrivia and Rumination.

Firstly, I’d like to welcome the latest Imaginators to the College Imaginary! It’s been a few months, so my apologies if I miss any of you.  Reis Tuder joins us as Filthy Chai.  Alana O’Keeve joins us as Whipped Cream Vodka.  Joscelin le esqurel joins us as Party Cannon.  Creatura Christi of Oakes (called Creature) joins us as Imaginary.  Magdalena Lucia Ramberti joins us as Lurker.  Barcsi Janos joins us as Exalted Goober.  AElfwynn Leoflaede dohtor joins us as Ich Verdien.  Saito Takauji joins us as Samurabbi, leading Nikolaos Demetriou to join us as Horrified Pelican.  Ildaria de Zaragozza joins us as White on Rice.  Giata Alberti joins us as Combattant Chequy Unicorn. Rowen Cloteworthy joins us as Majestic Unicorn. Díarmaid Ó Bríain joins us as the Codfather. Mary Dedwydd verch Gwallter joins us as Kamikaze. Yehuda ben Moshe joins us as Matzoh Brei Omelet. Woot! Woot!

Secondly, congratulations go out to a number of Imaginators.  To Hello Kitty on becoming a Princess.  To Cherry and Spanish Fly on their engagement.  To Raisnable Pacïence and Rum ‘n Raisin for joining the Order of the Bloody Bird.  To Ermine Oreo for successfully completing her reign as a Queen and becoming Embattled. To Anzac Biscuit for being made Excellent.  Woot!  Woot!

Thirdly, I would like to thank the following Imaginators, who contributed to our voluminous April 1st Letter of Imagination this year: Fieldless, Bend Butcher, Baklava, Butterscotch Crampet, Taisez-Vous, Au Jus, Give Me The Money, Jaegerschnitzel, Iguanodon, Double Hops and Barley, Compendium, Party Cannon, Soylent Vert, Grumpy Bear, Chocolate Truffle, and this year’s winner of the Stupid Tricks With The IGI prize: Potent Chief.  The opening and closing verses for this Letter of Imagination are brought to you by The Codfather (opening) and Soylent Vert (closing).  You all rock my small, self-centered universe.

Fourthly, I am still looking for links to April 1st Letters that are not in OSCAR, so that I can add them to this site. If you know of any, send them along or leave a link in the comments!

Lastly, plans are underway for a Heralds Imaginary social at KHWSS on Saturday evening.  I encourage you all to come hang out and meet your fellow Imaginators.  More details to follow.

Ermine Stag Tyrant of Arms

The Herald Principal’s Song

For the occasion of Master Cormac’s vigil

Lady Angharat Goch verch Gwenhover wrote and performed (from memory, at speed!) this fabulous filk of The Major-General’s Song.  Reprinted here with her permission.

The Herald Principal’s Song

written and performed by Angharat Goch verch Gwenhover
(to the tune of The Major-General’s Song by Gilbert & Sullivan)

I am the very model of a Crescent Herald, principal,
I know of every charge be it a vegetable or mineral,
Every variety of living beast or monster mythical,
Symbolic representatives of bodies astronomical.
I know the proper ratios of all shapes geometrical,
Field divisions, horizontal, vertical, diagonal,
Lines of division, be they complicated or quite minimal,
Correct heraldic form of every emblazon imag’nible!
Correct heraldic form of every emblazon imag’nible! x4

I know my tinctures, too, of course, my metals and my furs as well,
I know which pairings work and which are just unregisterable,
In short in matters badge related, or devices personal,
I am the very model of a Crescent Herald, principal!
In short in matters badge related, or devices personal,
He is the very model of a Crescent Herald, principal!

I’m up on all the latest finds and all the extant treatises,
I’ve read the new rules seven times and all of the appendices,
I’ve memorized whole sections and can quote with regularity,
Each precedent dating back to Anno Societatus III,
I’m familiar with the naming patterns of the folk of Brittany,
The Welsh, the Huns, the Swedes, the Danes, the Greeks and Turks and Romany,
The Spanish, Polish, Flemish, English, Irish, Scottish, Germans, Franks,
In contexts Gaelic, Gallic, Gothic, Russian, Prussian, Persian, Manx!
In contexts Gaelic, Gallic, Gothic, Russian, Prussian, Persian, Manx! x4

I’m just as good with household names and names for territories new,
The nomenclature nicely crafted for your newly minted group,
In short in matters name related, be they group or personal,
I am the very model of a Crescent Herald, principal!
In short in matters name related, be they group or personal,
He is the very model of a Crescent Herald, principal!

In short I’m quite impressive with the knowledge in my arsenal,
I am the very model of a Crescent Herald, principal!
In short he’s quite impressive with the knowledge in his arsenal,
He is the very model of a Crescent Herald, principal!

Oh hai! I can haz scroll textz?

Because I Can

Once upon a time, someone mentioned to me the idea of writing a scroll text in LOLCAT.

They might have been giving me some samples of text they were suggesting using.

I might have made some suggestions.

They might have been used with minor changes.

My God What Have I Done

Here follows the final text:

o hai. Heer now wordz of [Baron] an [Baroness], baron an baronez of Caer Galen. Singin bird  iz singin swete an powarzful, liek grate artzens of Caer Galen r grate. [Recipient] iz graet artzen. Wez recknizin her mad skilz an admitin her to tha Order of tha Golden Nightingale. Wez done did this [Date]th May minus one month, in tha [Year]th yeer of tha Sociatay, whitch wez knowz as [Year].

I’m hopeful that someday we’ll get a picture of the final piece.

Don’t Try This At Home, Kids

Disclaimer: This scroll was highly nonstandard and was only undertaken with the full approval of the Baron and Baroness.  As a general thing, LOLCAT is not recommended for scrolls.

ABCs of Heraldry

A for the Arms that we help you submit

This is a little ditty started by Compendium and added to by Ermine Oreo, Soylent Vert, and Baklava.

A, for the Arms that we help you submit.
B, for the Baldric that doesn’t quite fit.
C, for the Cant that makes everyone groan.
D, for Displaying the arms that you own.
E, for Escutcheon, the shape of a shield.
F, for Feathers, on things the Prince sealed.
G, for the groans we try to suppress
H, for Heraldry, see? We are the best.
I, for Imaginary, the humor arm fell
J, for Joscelyn, round torse with bell
K, for Kraken, now calamari
L, for Laurel, sovereign of the barmy.
M, for Mon, Mullets, and Minor changes
N, for Naiant and Names, rarely exchanged
O, for OSCAR, that prime bit o land
P, for our Pelican, armoring rules with a brand
Q, for Quarterly, not pale or point on
R, for Rampant, the confusion we spawn
S, for Semy, for fields of stuff lots and lots
T, for Tourneys and Titles and Things to be fought
U, for Ululant, a howling wolf to be feared
V, for Volant – charges flying there and here
W, for Wreath, devices and badges ruled
X, for eXcellency, His or Her, you too?
Y, for Yale, a fearsome horned beastie
Z, for Zule, not the fridge but chess piece-y.

August Letter of Administrivia and Rumination

Survived Pennsic.  Still Not King.

As the temperatures fall, and the submissions heralds are groaning under the weight of Pennsic Letters of Intent, it’s time for another Letter of Administrivia and Rumination.

Firstly, I’d like to welcome the latest Imaginators to the College Imaginary!  Tyrfingr von Wolfsburg joins us as Scotch and Branch Water Herald Imaginary.  Eldrich Gaiman joins us as Fieldless Herald Imaginary. Woot!  Woot!

Relatedly, congratulations are in order for our very own Grumpy Bear, who was offered admittance to the Order of the Pelican.  Woot!  Woot!

Secondly, I’d like to note a title change.  Jibr’il `Attar is changing his HI title to Whipped Chocolate Pudding Herald Imaginary, and relinquishing his claim to Godfather Lasagna HI.

Thirdly, we’ve got a start on the April 1st Letters list, but it is definitely not complete.  That is, the list of all the April 1st Letters currently available online.  What’s needed is a list with kingdom, year, and link for the Letter itself.  It would be awesome to include the ones that aren’t in OSCAR.  If you’d be willing to do some research to help complete that list, comment here or email Ermine Stag.

In closing, I urge you all to begin contemplations for the April 1st Letter of Imagination …. it’s only seven months away, and it takes time to cultivate those bits of whimsy and fluff.

Ermine Stag Tyrant of Arms

Things Herald Skippy Is Not Allowed To Do

Things Herald Skippy Is Not Allowed To Do

  1. Herald Skippy is not allowed to goad anyone into playing sackbut into leading the processional with the Imperial March from Star Wars.
  2. Herald Skippy is not allowed to pay, bribe, or otherwise cause anyone playing sackbut into leading the processional with the Imperial March from Star Wars.
  3. Herald Skippy is not allowed to assign anyone absolutely horrible heraldry that just barely passes.
  4. Herald Skippy is not allowed to assign anyone armory with both lozengy and gyronny.  Or anything with pink or bleu-celeste.
  5. Herald Skippy is not allowed to append random, ridiculous bynames to TRM’s names like, “All hail King ____, slayer of great spiders!”
  6. Herald Skippy is not allowed to refer to TRM as “Hail ____, killer of large kegs!”
  7. Herald Skippy is not allowed to initiate The Wave by OP.
  8. Herald Skippy is not allowed to laugh like Beavis and Butthead every time at a consult table someone wants pean on their device.
  9. Herald Skippy is not allowed to create a band.
  10. Herald Skippy is not allowed to name his band ‘Skippy and the Heraldic Mayhem.’
  11. Herald Skippy is not allowed, with his band or without it, to serenade everyone at war with such tunes as ‘That’s Not Tenne’ and ‘Laurel Queen’.
  12. Herald Skippy is not allowed to encourage the populace to play Court Bingo.
  13. Herald Skippy is not allowed to intentionally run through the list of items on the bingo cards.
  14. Herald Skippy is not allowed to look smug when someone screams out Bingo.
  15. Herald Skippy is not allowed to line up drunk people up at the local watering hole by order of precedence.
  16. Herald Skippy is not allowed to line people up at the porta-privies by OP ranking.
  17. Herald Skippy is not allowed to line people up at the porta-privies by reverse OP ranking either.
  18. Herald Skippy is not allowed to pizzle anything that does not have a pizzle in nature.
  19. Herald Skippy is not allowed to put all the April 1 LoI names in a hat and force new people to draw from the hat to get their assigned name.
  20. Herald Skippy is not allowed to play darts to determine which submissions pass.
  21. Herald Skippy is not allowed to try to convince his PH to award him an Extraordinary Title for his sexy dance moves.
  22. Herald Skippy is not allowed to refer to the Crown Prince and Princess as “Their Royal Heinies.”
  23. Herald Skippy is not allowed to insert fictional members of the populace into the OP. ( q.v. Bobo the Dancing Bear)
  24. Herald Skippy is not allowed to use the line “Badges? We don’ need no stinkin’ badges!” more than once a reign.
  25. Herald Skippy is not allowed to use the line “Badges? We don’ need no stinkin’ badges!” more than once per KWHSS.
  26. Herald Skippy is not allowed to line the charges on his tabard with EL wire “for better visibility during evening court.”
  27. Herald Skippy is not allowed to organize a consultation table as a game of musical chairs: Last client left standing gets the name documentation.
  28. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct the award ceremony and/or read the scroll in pig-Latin.
  29. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct the awards ceremony and/or read the scroll in LOLCAT either.
  30. Herald Skippy is not allowed to use field banners to announce the results of combat in semaphore.
  31. Herald Skippy is not allowed to urge consultees to consider names on the College’s April First LoIs.
  32. Herald Skippy is not allowed to get a camp’s attention during Saturday morning cry through strategic use of 18″ marching cymbals and a cadre of digeridoo players.
  33. Herald Skippy is not allowed to say to the Crown, “Just sign the submission form — I’ll fill out the rest of it later.”
  34. Herald Skippy is not allowed to register “Blog Pursuivant” as a title
  35. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at Pennsic.
  36. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at Gulf Wars.
  37. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at Lillies.
  38. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at Estrella.
  39. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at any event.
  40. Herald Skippy is not allowed to, halfway through court, proclaim “Let us offer a sign of peace,” then turn to hug the Chief Lady in Waiting.
  41. Herald Skippy is not allowed to, halfway through court, proclaim “Let us offer a sign of peace,” then turn to hug the Captain of the Guard.
  42. Herald Skippy is not allowed to give red carpet-style running commentary from the dais during presentations.
    (“And here comes the Baroness of Altavia, looking resplendant in her green velvet cotehardie with complementary white silk tippets.”)
  43. Herald Skippy is not allowed to lead the populace in 1d4 cheers. Even if Herald Skippy announces the results of the roll before prompting.
  44. Herald Skippy is not allowed to use full names and titles when leading the populace through a call-and-response recessional litany.
    (“Long live Their Royal Majesties Sven Orfhendur and Cassandra Zoe Paganel, Undisputed King and Queen of the Sovereign Realm of Caid!”)
  45. Herald Skippy is not allowed to make a tabard in the kingdom arms, but with the tinctures reversed, grow a goatee, and/or deliver an evil laugh every time Herald Skippy summons someone into court.
  46. Herald Skippy is not allowed to start by yelling, “start the movie, start the movie,” five minutes before beginning the processional.
  47. Herald Skippy is not allowed to randomly yell out postures and get the participants to freeze that way during processions.
  48. Herald Skippy is not allowed to recite the Hokey Pokey in Old English, during Court or anywhere else.
  49. Herald Skippy is not allowed to distribute score placards to the front row of court, to rate the quality and execution of presentations and announcements.
  50. Herald Skippy is not allowed to make a heraldic tabard out of fun fur.
  51. Herald Skippy is not allowed to set up two-way baby monitors during court.
  52. Herald Skippy is not allowed to build a Muppet version of himself and run court in a silly voice from behind the thrones, no matter how well he projects.
  53. Herald Skippy is not allowed to title stack.
  54. Herald Skippy is not allowed to open morning Court by reciting the original invocation (in Latin) from the First Tournament: “Ecce Eduardus ursus scalis nunc tump-tump-tump occipite gradus pulsante post Christophorum Robinum descendens.”  Even if Herald Skippy translates it.
  55. Herald Skippy is not allowed to encourage new peers to swear their oath of fealty in Quenya.  Even if the new peer has an Elvish name.
  56. Herald Skippy is not allowed to encourage new peers to swear their oath of fealty in Klingon either.

Thanks to Grumpy Bear, Soylent Vert, Baklava, Taisez-Vous, Compendium, Potent Chief, Agave, Dandelion, Cinnamon Latte, Special Snowflake, and more for their contributions.

July Letter of Administrivia and Rumination

Green things, the Salad Nation!

I know this is a somewhat fallow time for the College, as April 1st 2012 is long past and April 1st, 2013 is in the distant future, but there are few odds and ends (or is it odds and evens?) to be announced.

Firstly, I’d like to welcome threefour new members to the College!  Albrecht Waldfurster joins us as Verbose Pursuivant Explanatory.  Anzelm Kowalski joins us as Polish Sausage Herald Imaginary.  Faolan O’Lachain of Galway joins us as Etouffee Herald Imaginary.  Harold Monster, our first puppet member, joins us as Monster Herald Imaginary.  They have all been gleefully added to the Roster.

Secondly, I’d like to note a title change.  Marie de Blois is changing her personal HI title to Mouse of India Dog Herald Imaginary, and relinquishing her claim to White Chocolate Cheesecake HI.  She would also like to assure you all that she doesn’t usually talk about herself in the third person, which I think is a very good thing.

Thirdly, I would like to draw the College’s attention to item 19 on the East Kingdom’s current internal Letter, an alternate name for Joscelin le esqurel.  I have no idea why he is not yet a member of our College.  The College is hereby encouraged to go comment on that item.

In closing, I’d like to remind folks that we’re still accepting submissions for the Herald Skippy list, to be posted whenever it seems we’ve pulled everything off the LJ, FB, and G+ posts.

See you all around!

Ermine Stag Tyrant of Arms

Oy Yeah! Oy Yeah!

Welcome to the home for the College of Heralds Imaginary!

We’re the not-very-secret humor outlet for SCA heralds, led by the Ermine Stag Tyrant of Arms. If you thought heralds didn’t have a sense of humor, well, do we have some good gnus for you!

What’s that?  They’re not!  Ah … sorry, gnus are African fauna, not European. You’ll have to settle for some good news instead.