Things Herald Skippy Is Not Allowed To Do

Things Herald Skippy Is Not Allowed To Do

  1. Herald Skippy is not allowed to goad anyone into playing sackbut into leading the processional with the Imperial March from Star Wars.
  2. Herald Skippy is not allowed to pay, bribe, or otherwise cause anyone playing sackbut into leading the processional with the Imperial March from Star Wars.
  3. Herald Skippy is not allowed to assign anyone absolutely horrible heraldry that just barely passes.
  4. Herald Skippy is not allowed to assign anyone armory with both lozengy and gyronny.  Or anything with pink or bleu-celeste.
  5. Herald Skippy is not allowed to append random, ridiculous bynames to TRM’s names like, “All hail King ____, slayer of great spiders!”
  6. Herald Skippy is not allowed to refer to TRM as “Hail ____, killer of large kegs!”
  7. Herald Skippy is not allowed to initiate The Wave by OP.
  8. Herald Skippy is not allowed to laugh like Beavis and Butthead every time at a consult table someone wants pean on their device.
  9. Herald Skippy is not allowed to create a band.
  10. Herald Skippy is not allowed to name his band ‘Skippy and the Heraldic Mayhem.’
  11. Herald Skippy is not allowed, with his band or without it, to serenade everyone at war with such tunes as ‘That’s Not Tenne’ and ‘Laurel Queen’.
  12. Herald Skippy is not allowed to encourage the populace to play Court Bingo.
  13. Herald Skippy is not allowed to intentionally run through the list of items on the bingo cards.
  14. Herald Skippy is not allowed to look smug when someone screams out Bingo.
  15. Herald Skippy is not allowed to line up drunk people up at the local watering hole by order of precedence.
  16. Herald Skippy is not allowed to line people up at the porta-privies by OP ranking.
  17. Herald Skippy is not allowed to line people up at the porta-privies by reverse OP ranking either.
  18. Herald Skippy is not allowed to pizzle anything that does not have a pizzle in nature.
  19. Herald Skippy is not allowed to put all the April 1 LoI names in a hat and force new people to draw from the hat to get their assigned name.
  20. Herald Skippy is not allowed to play darts to determine which submissions pass.
  21. Herald Skippy is not allowed to try to convince his PH to award him an Extraordinary Title for his sexy dance moves.
  22. Herald Skippy is not allowed to refer to the Crown Prince and Princess as “Their Royal Heinies.”
  23. Herald Skippy is not allowed to insert fictional members of the populace into the OP. ( q.v. Bobo the Dancing Bear)
  24. Herald Skippy is not allowed to use the line “Badges? We don’ need no stinkin’ badges!” more than once a reign.
  25. Herald Skippy is not allowed to use the line “Badges? We don’ need no stinkin’ badges!” more than once per KWHSS.
  26. Herald Skippy is not allowed to line the charges on his tabard with EL wire “for better visibility during evening court.”
  27. Herald Skippy is not allowed to organize a consultation table as a game of musical chairs: Last client left standing gets the name documentation.
  28. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct the award ceremony and/or read the scroll in pig-Latin.
  29. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct the awards ceremony and/or read the scroll in LOLCAT either.
  30. Herald Skippy is not allowed to use field banners to announce the results of combat in semaphore.
  31. Herald Skippy is not allowed to urge consultees to consider names on the College’s April First LoIs.
  32. Herald Skippy is not allowed to get a camp’s attention during Saturday morning cry through strategic use of 18″ marching cymbals and a cadre of digeridoo players.
  33. Herald Skippy is not allowed to say to the Crown, “Just sign the submission form — I’ll fill out the rest of it later.”
  34. Herald Skippy is not allowed to register “Blog Pursuivant” as a title
  35. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at Pennsic.
  36. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at Gulf Wars.
  37. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at Lillies.
  38. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at Estrella.
  39. Herald Skippy is not allowed to conduct Visitations at any event.
  40. Herald Skippy is not allowed to, halfway through court, proclaim “Let us offer a sign of peace,” then turn to hug the Chief Lady in Waiting.
  41. Herald Skippy is not allowed to, halfway through court, proclaim “Let us offer a sign of peace,” then turn to hug the Captain of the Guard.
  42. Herald Skippy is not allowed to give red carpet-style running commentary from the dais during presentations.
    (“And here comes the Baroness of Altavia, looking resplendant in her green velvet cotehardie with complementary white silk tippets.”)
  43. Herald Skippy is not allowed to lead the populace in 1d4 cheers. Even if Herald Skippy announces the results of the roll before prompting.
  44. Herald Skippy is not allowed to use full names and titles when leading the populace through a call-and-response recessional litany.
    (“Long live Their Royal Majesties Sven Orfhendur and Cassandra Zoe Paganel, Undisputed King and Queen of the Sovereign Realm of Caid!”)
  45. Herald Skippy is not allowed to make a tabard in the kingdom arms, but with the tinctures reversed, grow a goatee, and/or deliver an evil laugh every time Herald Skippy summons someone into court.
  46. Herald Skippy is not allowed to start by yelling, “start the movie, start the movie,” five minutes before beginning the processional.
  47. Herald Skippy is not allowed to randomly yell out postures and get the participants to freeze that way during processions.
  48. Herald Skippy is not allowed to recite the Hokey Pokey in Old English, during Court or anywhere else.
  49. Herald Skippy is not allowed to distribute score placards to the front row of court, to rate the quality and execution of presentations and announcements.
  50. Herald Skippy is not allowed to make a heraldic tabard out of fun fur.
  51. Herald Skippy is not allowed to set up two-way baby monitors during court.
  52. Herald Skippy is not allowed to build a Muppet version of himself and run court in a silly voice from behind the thrones, no matter how well he projects.
  53. Herald Skippy is not allowed to title stack.
  54. Herald Skippy is not allowed to open morning Court by reciting the original invocation (in Latin) from the First Tournament: “Ecce Eduardus ursus scalis nunc tump-tump-tump occipite gradus pulsante post Christophorum Robinum descendens.”  Even if Herald Skippy translates it.
  55. Herald Skippy is not allowed to encourage new peers to swear their oath of fealty in Quenya.  Even if the new peer has an Elvish name.
  56. Herald Skippy is not allowed to encourage new peers to swear their oath of fealty in Klingon either.

Thanks to Grumpy Bear, Soylent Vert, Baklava, Taisez-Vous, Compendium, Potent Chief, Agave, Dandelion, Cinnamon Latte, Special Snowflake, and more for their contributions.

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